Status Report: Week 5 (I Think My Depression Has Eaten My Ability To Play Games)

I was looking for an appropriate image for this piece and repeatedly came up empty so I finally gave up and decided on this vintage Care Bears moment because I thought it was adorable.

I mean, they are planting a HEART tree.

I haven’t played anything. I have a theory about that.

The past several weeks my living space has reflected the mess of my brain; I don’t function well in anything less than an organized and clean environment. If I told you the main source of the organizational blockage you’d laugh and I couldn’t blame you: stickers.

Yes. Stickers.

I adore stickers and I decided to completely organize all of mine. In theory, this was an excellent idea. In practice, it has resulted in sh*t everywhere while I desperately try (and fail) to get them in sleeves and binders.

This is even more absurd when you find out I already have all the binders and sleeves I need for the project.

The problem is me.

Never mind there are a zillion other things I need to be doing to get things back in order and streamlined. Never mind I want to play new (to me) games so badly and I can’t concentrate enough to even pick up where I left off with Everything, let alone complete it or play something new.

And all of this roots itself in one super dumb cause: my anxiety and depression. I’ve no doubt one or both are keeping me from getting things done, playing any games, or generally functioning like a human being.

This isn’t meant to be a “poor me” situation, rather I’m hoping by getting it out of my system, it will allow me to acknowledge things and move forward. I’m so tired of being useless and making zero progress in quite literally anything I’d like to.

So! This week is a week of lists. There will be micro tasks I can easily complete so I can get myself back on the “dear god please let me complete anything” train. I will move up from there. I mean, there are like two dozen horror movies I have and have yet to watch and I LOVE horror movies and how have I failed even that “task”?

Apparently I’m an overachiever at underachieving.

I’m doing really well (super poorly).

I have to find a way to play games again, even if that means I manually force myself to play for 15 minutes at a time. I have to do anything I can to not be like this. I’m annoying the crap out of myself.

Ruts are bad enough, but ruts mixed with depression are hilariously isolating. It almost literally makes me laugh that I am so far down the hole that I can’t even play games.

I feel exceedingly pathetic. Yay.

So with that I say: all I want this week is to make progress at anything; cleaning, organizing, gaming, catching up on those horror movies; anything. If I can manage to do that, I will be more grateful than I can say.

What will YOU be playing this week? What games are on your radar? What are your most anticipated games of 2019?

I know it’s still cold as heck out there for so many. Please be careful and safe, friends. Cheers.

6 replies »

  1. I have a similar thing where the tidiness of my surroundings tends to reflect the tidiness of my mental health, and the two then feed into one another. “Oh, it’s messy, so I’m depressed, I should tidy up, but I’m too depressed to do that, let me just toss another Coke can onto the table that is already heaving with them”.

    Take it a bit at a time. Do a bit, play a bit of a game. Something fun that doesn’t demand commitment, and that is cheerful. A nice shoot ’em up or a puzzle game or an arcade racer or something. Do a bit, reward yourself. Take a break if you need to. Make lists. Check things off. OBJECTIVE COMPLETE! +500XP. Win.

    Good luck! I know it’s hard. All too well!

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s so hard, isn’t it? At the times when you want things clean more than ever, they reflect how much of a mess things are. I feel you there.

      Aww, thank you, I will try that! And I wish us both luck. <3

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I can relate to the rut. The slipping away of all things normal and settling into my rut like a comfortable shoe. It’s gross and annoying. I wish you luck in your week!
    A phrase comes to mind. A coworker at a hospital I no longer work at would always say “ain’t nothin’ to it but to do it” in the heaviest southern accent you can imagine. Easy for him to say when he was sitting on his tail handing out exams for others to do. Do what you can and let the rest go. So much easier said than done.
    I am trying to learn how to play splatoon on the switch. I promised someone I would play and I really suck at it. I swear if it’s not an old school Nintendo controller I’m an idiot.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Good luck! I hope that you’re able to find some peace and enjoy yourself. I may certainly try out Apex but I’m not a huge battle royale fan. I’d like to get in a few Overwatch matches to hype up for season 2 of its eSports league.

    Liked by 1 person

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