Stream Of Consciousness: Sleepless

This is one of those unfortunate times where I have no idea what to write about and this particular time I have a major bout of sleeplessness working against me; over the past two days I’ve slept only a handful of hours (and not for lack of trying).

Woe is me.

Woe is my comfy pillow.

Woe is a funny word.

So here, for your reading “pleasure” is my current stream of consciousness.

Why is there so much dust? I dust all the time and there is always more dust. Even in our living room (which has no windows), there is an excessive amount of dust.

Why, when you are ridiculously tired, can you not sleep? Okay, let me make this practical, why if I am so tired can I not sleep? It seems like a very poorly done joke.

My phone is faster than my computer.

I like mineral water. Bubbles are nice.

Sometimes when it is overcast for too long, I feel like I need to drink more orange juice.

Having pants that fit is a really nice thing.

Dogs are glorious.

Hot tea is a salve for so much.

Stupid things and thoughts keep me awake and make my insides physically hurt.

I like keeping my game controllers clean but I’ve nearly given up on my Xbox One controller. It’s painfully dusty…which just takes me back around to the dust thing.

I love rainbows and holographic things. I love neon. I think about these things a lot.

When I said I love neon I meant both the lights as well as the colors.

Clean sheets are soothing.

I like to keep my nails super short.

Sometimes, when I think about beautiful things, I burst into tears. It sometimes happens in public.

Last weekend I was in the store and thought about Cloud and I was so overwhelmed with happiness about him that I got choked up.

Being emotional is okay.

Being sensitive is okay, too.

It took me a really long time to know those two things were true.

I love stickers. And I love mail. And I love sending mail to the people I care about.

I really love getting mail.

I love art.

I miss creating art.

I miss a lot of people who live far away. Some people I feel sure we would have such great in-person times if we lived anywhere near each other. Oh, what adventures we would have!

Even though I struggle so badly, I am so fortunate in so many ways. I sometimes have no idea how I got so lucky.

People being kind to other people and creatures fills my heart with joy.

I once saw a young boy say to a waitress in the most sincere voice, “You’re really nice.” She was taken aback and he looked sheepish, but it was a beautiful moment.

When I was walking Cloud the other day, we saw a man approaching from the other end of the block. Cloud dropped his head down into inspection stance and the man went all the way into the street to avoid us. As the man got closer he asked if something was wrong because of how Cloud was looking at him. I said no, that he is super friendly and just wanted him to engage. The man approached slowly and Cloud’s tail started to wag. The man looked petrified right up until he actually touched Cloud’s face at which point Cloud’s tail went bonkers and the man’s face when from scared to so pleased. That instant felt like a gift. The man smiled so hard and said thank you and walked away, and Cloud and I carried on. Seconds later, Cloud looked up at me and made what can only be considered a joyous noise of ARRROOOOWWW and burst into his husky grin and I felt like my heart was going to explode from the sheer beauty of the moment.

I am so grateful for so much of the beauty that surrounds us.

I am grateful for you.

5 replies »

  1. Thank you for sharing. I was reading this in a back of an Uber. The story of Cloud and the stranger got to me, may have started crying in the back seat.

    I may not comment on every post but I thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

    I am grateful for you and the community that you built

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww, I’m sorry for semi-public crying, but glad it touched you in some way. It overwhelmed me with emotion when it happened. :)

      I really appreciate that, thank you so, so much.

      Like

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