In 2000, I moved to Germany (where I lived for the next five years). My early time there was a huge learning process and I’m sure I had a hefty dose of culture shock. I did my best to learn the language and, far sooner than later, I came to love the country. Honestly, I miss it terribly.

There was a shopping mall (I use that term loosely because it wasn’t a lot like what I think of when I think of a shopping mall) in my small Bavarian town, and in one of the shops, I bought a rainbow striped wrap skirt. It was beautiful, whimsical, and reminded me of Fruit Stripe gum; I loved it. It fell to just below my knees, which just happens to be my favorite length.

I feel the need to qualify this (because the story is about to get visual and I don’t want to gross anyone out), but I used to be super in shape; a far cry from my current state.

I was in the grocery store one day while wearing my beautiful rainbow wrap skirt. I don’t even remember what aisle I was in, but I had bent down to look at something on a lower shelf. I saw a couple people (two guys) at the end of the aisle and they were giggling and trying not to make eye contact. I thought that was weird, but didn’t think much of it.

I stood up and continued shopping.

I noticed those same guys peeking back around the corner of the aisle, trying so hard not to lose it. I looked past where I was standing to see if there was something I was missing; I didn’t see anything particularly amusing so I thought maybe they were just having a fit of silliness.

I went back to my shopping. Another woman joined me in the aisle and I saw her look at me funny. I was like, OKAY WHAT’S GOING ON? I mean, in my mind I said that. She cautiously comes up to me and whispers, “Your skirt has come undone.”

I have NO IDEA how I didn’t feel that it had come untied but, sure enough, my ass was there in the middle of the store for everyone to see.

I

WAS

MORTIFIED

She started apologizing to me, and I was like, oh no, thank you for telling me! All the while I was frantically trying to retie it in some more permanent fashion. I had already knotted the tie when I put it on that morning, but apparently the skirt was intent on betraying me. As I was tying it, I saw those two guys laughing and laughing and I was like I HAVE TO GO HOME IMMEDIATELY AND FOREVER and I hustled to the checkout and went home where I promptly changed into pants and threw the skirt away.

I think about it now and it’s funny. At the time, holy hell, I could not have BEEN more embarrassed.

What is an embarrassing moment from your past that was mortifying then, but funny now?

Also, if you wear a wrap skirt: BEWARE. THEY ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED.