As you’ve likely noticed, my website looks different now.

It wasn’t planned and has been the cause of some serious freaking on my part.

One of my biggest anxiety triggers is when tech doesn’t work properly. On Wednesday night, I’d decided to finally take the plunge and upgrade my site so it was a bit more professional and was better optimized for search engines. I already pay for this site, domain, etc., so plunking down another large chunk of money wasn’t a decision I came to lightly. Apparently that upgrade was the catalyst for everything to fall apart.

I made the upgrade to a new plan and an hour or so later, my partner was like, “Did you change your font?” And I responded that I hadn’t so I went to look at my site and it was a mess. The font was a different color. Certain settings had been borked. I crumbled.

When I built this site, it took me about two weeks of eight hour days, every day, to get it where I wanted it. I had to learn how to code a bit to tweak certain settings. It was completely out of my wheelhouse and I didn’t make it public until I was sure I liked the way it was.

So imagine how freaked I was Wednesday night when I realized how messed up things had become.

I stayed up most of the night trying to get things back the way they were. Some things were easier than others to get in order, some things still aren’t in order. My color scheme seemed to have been permanently borked so I basically had to choose a different one. I’m temporarily fine with the current scheme (or at least I’ve convinced myself I am so I don’t have to look at the d*mn thing any more for a while), but I’m considering going to plain black and white. Some time back, a few people had mentioned the white on orange was difficult to read, and, since I’m in uncharted territory anyway, I’d like to make it easier to see and navigate.

I don’t know what it is about tech issues, but I loathe them and they unnerve me in the extreme. I am almost never mad and I spent all day yesterday (and now) supremely upset. I found it wonderfully ironic that when I finally put serious money down to see if I can make this website a bit more accessible, it goes SCREW YOU I’M GOING TO DO WHAT I WANT AND YOU’RE GOING TO HATE IT AND I DON’T CARE I AM UNYIELDING AND WILL OBSTINATELY NOT DO WHAT YOU WANT ME TO AND I WILL ENJOY FRUSTRATING THE EVER LIVING SH*T OUT OF YOU. ENJOY IT, ASSH*LE.

Part of me legit wanted to just dump the whole thing because I’ve already been so low about writing. Part of me wanted to get my exact scheme back.

But then another part of me, the part that loathes change (that part is all of me), was like EMBRACE THIS CRAP AND JUST TRY TO ROLL WITH IT. So I am trying to roll with it. I’m OKAY with the color scheme for now and I at least have the site functioning again, so I’m grateful for that. I’m going to leave it alone over the weekend to see how I feel about it.

JURASSIC BLORF.

I got so wanky about everything I decided to buy into PS Now for a year (apparently I can’t seem to stop spending money over the past two days), so I booted up the original Borderlands last night as comfort gaming. I can’t tell if it helped. I am so freaking wigged out about this mess of a website that I’m not functioning terribly well.

This weekend I am going to try to enjoy some gaming. I’d like to get back to Metro Exodus so I can wrap it up before The Division 2 comes out. I’m also going to be making a long-awaited trip to the art store to buy some large canvases to paint new pieces for our living space. It’s been so many years since I painted and I’ve had at least three pieces brewing in my brain place that I’m excited to get on the walls.

With that I ask: what will YOU be playing this weekend?

Please be safe out there, friends. Struggly, struggly cheers.