So I still feel like crap. It’s the super fun (SARCASM) kind of sick where doing anything makes me feel worse so I basically get to sit around thinking about how crappy I feel in addition to experiencing how crappy I feel. It’s delightful (ONCE AGAIN, SARCASM). Yesterday, I thought resting might help, but I woke up feeling WORSE than I did before I went to sleep, so now I’m willing myself to stay awake. As I write this, it’s after 3am and my plan is working okay, except I’m very tired and afraid to go to sleep for fear of feeling even worse than I do now.
It’s times like these (and as someone with a chronic illness on top of all this junk, I have many times like these) I try to remind myself of things I can do to bring myself comfort. Sometimes they are small things like splashing cold water on my face or drinking bubbly water. Sometimes they are larger things like going outside to sit in the sun for a moment or, barring that as a feasible option, I will sit by an open window to take in some fresh air (though we live on a very busy street and I’m not all that sure how fresh the air is, but I like it anyway).
I am often comforted by horror movies. When I can’t do much of anything, other than turn into a couch barnacle, I catch up on horror movies. I also love watching speedruns of video games, so I will catch up on those, too. Nearly all day yesterday I went back through past GDQs (Games Done Quick) and watched some runs I hadn’t seen before. I am consistently impressed by each and every speedrunner. I think it would be incredibly rad to learn how to speedrun games, and I love that they do it for notable charities such as Doctors Without Borders.
Sometimes, if I feel like I can sit up for any stretch of time, I like to organize things while on the couch. That could be piles of stickers, piles of paperwork, going through magazines, or anything else I can do from one spot. I also like to create things if I can, be it art projects or written correspondence.
Some days, like yesterday, I have so much time to look around the room and see all kinds of things I want to (and should) be doing (in this case: cleaning and organizing everything) but can’t, and it gets me down. It didn’t help that the one time I fell asleep, I had a horrible dream, then woke up feeling worse than I did prior. It seemed like a mean joke.
But sometimes, when I feel bad, there is nothing nicer than curling up under a sheet and thinking about feeling well. Not just done with the temporary sickness, but done with my chronic illness. I know it’s been over 20 years and it’s unlikely I will ever be free of it, but I like to imagine I have no illness and can wake up at any time completely well. It’s farfetched, but it’s a nice dream all the same.
So now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to pour out some bubbly water, grab my sheet, and try to stave off sleep for as long as I can.
What are your comfort things? What helps you when you don’t feel well?