I Am Never Not Disappointed At How Hard It Is To Find A Realistic Astronaut Suit And Helmet For Less Than A Grillion Dollars

First off: I wish so bad I could have found the artist who created the image above. I looked high and low and even with that tiny logo/icon on the sleeve (I think it’s a sleeve?), no dice. I’d love to give credit where credit is due; alas, I can not.

EDIT: Sati A. just let me know the artist is ViantoniP and this is their Instagram! Thank you, Sati!

(If anyone knows who the artist is and can link me to their page, please do! I’d be happy to amend this piece should that information become available.)

Now then.

I’ve noticed, more and more, I relate to the artistic representation of astronauts. It’s silly, really. The concept of space terrifies me (is anything more terrifying than floating away into endless space and dying a presumably painful and solitary death?). The idea of going to space makes me physically uncomfortable.

And yet.

I see images of astronauts in fields, on benches, in alien settings for an astronaut to be, and I FEEL them. I feel like I relate to that image above: contained and observing, but separated from the observed.

All THAT being said, when stupid sh*t happens in my life, I often find myself wishing for a spacesuit.

I understand that’s nonsensical, but it’s happened more than once.

When I found out I could obtain and wear a spacesuit in Fallout 76, I made a beeline for that suit.

When Fallout 76 took its last in a series of ever-greater dumps on me, all I wanted to do was find a somewhat realistic spacesuit for me to wear in reality. For some reason, that felt like the thing to do.

My Fallout 76 partner and I turned off the game and both got online to look for anything, even just a space helmet and that’s when we found out the sad truth: getting even a moderately realistic astronaut helmet is stupidly expensive. If you are looking for a full astronaut suit, it’s exponentially more expensive.

This makes perfect sense to me; the helmet and the suit must be ridiculously expensive to create and ship. It makes me wish I knew how to sew and use a 3D printer.

I’d love to cosplay the astronaut version of myself.

Last week was just craptown. I found myself thinking about that astronaut suit.

I like time and place items, I love a sense of occasion, and I enjoy amusing myself. I would 100% put on a space suit and sit on the couch playing games. Shoot, years ago I was at Venice Beach and found rack after rack of cheap and rad sunglasses (my favorite kind). It’s where I got my favorite sunglasses of all time (hot pink aviators), as well as what I referred to as my “Blood Dragon” shades: red rainbow foiled wraparound sunglasses worthy of Rex “Power” Colt. I told myself I’d put them on and play games and feel rad. I did it all of once, and that’s when I found out they hurt my head like crazy if I wore them for longer than five minutes.

Darn.

But a SPACEsuit I could (likely) comfortably wear for gaming sessions with little issue! A SPACEsuit would be like a cosmic set of pajamas and a comfy blankie in one.

A spacesuit could change my life.

I don’t really think so, but I want one so bad, it’s ridiculous. Never mind that I have no where to even STORE a spacesuit, but logic has little place here.

I wish they weren’t so darn expensive.

If I ever learn how to sew, it’s the first thing I’m going to try to make. And if i ever figure out how to 3D model something that can be printed, it’s going to be an astronaut helmet.

In the meantime I can dream. And will.

.

Is there anything completely bonkers and frivolous you long for? Your own spacesuit, if you will? If so, what is it?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pretend I’m floating around my living room. Pass the freeze dried ice cream and Tang, please.

Cheers.

9 replies »

  1. If you want to see some cool space suits and items Adam Savage (from Mythbusters) has a ton of videos on it. He has made suits, parts, and worn them to various cons. Super cool stuff, especially when he goes step by step to show you the process of creating it and other things. He also made a Totoro suit!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I hope you get your space pool table one day. Or a pool table where all the balls look like planets and such, and the felt on the table looks like a galaxy.

      Or, you know, whatever you want.

      Like

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