If Valentine Were A Game


I have never been a huge proponent of Valentine’s Day. I’m all for people celebrating it when they are into it, I’ve just never found myself in that mindset.

That being said, I love watching horror movies related to the various holidays that come around (e.g.: Halloween, Christmas), but today I realized that I’ve been so sick that I haven’t even kept up with that timely tradition. My partner pointed out to me that I had not only not watched Valentine (the 2001 horror movie seen above), but I’d also not watched My Bloody Valentine (either the original or the remake).

The horror.

I can tell how sick I am by not even remembering that I could loaf around and still keep up this tradition.

So then my partner asked me what I imagined a Valentine video game might be like.

I immediately laughed.

I love good horror movies (on the rare occasions when they roll around), but more often than not, they are either only okay or just plain awful. I do have a fondness for crappy horror movies, and Valentine sort of falls into that category.

The movie is all about this group of girls who crudely rejected a “nerdy” kid in sixth grade, and now (as adults) he is seeking them out one by one and killing them.

Okey dokey then.

The hook of the movie is that the killer does all this while wearing a weird cherub mask.

I think cherubs are a bit suspect in the first place, but creepy masks are a horror staple, so I’m on board here. I think the visuals of the movie would lend themselves quite well to a horror game. Lots of saturated reds and pinks. Obscene amounts of lace and hearts. Gaudy amounts of flowers everywhere.

Unfortunately, I don’t think Valentine would make a great game.

In horror movies, there are many casualties along the way. Would that work in a game? If you played at the survivor girl (and I’d imagine you’d have to), your friends would be dropping left and right. The only real payoff of the game would be to unmask the killer.

The game could be changed up a bit if you were swapped out with your friends during various scenes. That could actually work pretty well.

Quick sidetrack: for years I’ve wanted a Blair Witch game where you alternated between the three main characters. You could do that at will, and once one of them was gone, that “monitor” would simply be static. I just thought that was an interesting (and unnerving) concept.

Anyway, back to the evil cherub.

I don’t know if it would be a good game or even a decent one. I’d be interested to see if an okay horror movie could translate to a good horror game.

Thinking about the concept, it’s hard to believe we never saw a Scream game. That series seems ripe for adapting.

And now, I think I will actually go watch Valentine. Better late than never, I suppose.

Do you have any holiday traditions, no matter how silly or serious?

Also, apologies if this seems all over the place; I’m still sick but I was sick of writing about how sick I was and tried to get my brain to focus for a little longer than normal.

Categories: games

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4 replies »

    • That’s for the best; they are awful.

      Well, to be fair, Valentine is completely not good. I watched it again after I wrote this and I was astonished at how not good it was.

      It’s been a while since I watched the original My Bloody Valentine, but I recall it being only okay as well. The remake is TERRIBLE. Like, laughably bad. And weirdly gross.

      Basically, you aren’t missing out.


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