Here we are again. As I type these words, I honestly wonder what I’m doing. With each word, I feel like more and more of an embarrassment to myself; what am I even doing?
The last several days have been difficult. A lot of sitting in dark rooms and thinking. Some thoughts productive, some un; some that begat more thoughts and questions.
I don’t know what I’m doing and I almost always know what I’m doing.
So, in essence, I feel lost. LOST.
Right now especially, I don’t feel like writing. However. In four years I’ve never missed a day of my writing schedule. Over 700 pieces later and I’m still here. Until I’m sure, positive, that I don’t want to be writing anymore, I will still be here. Still writing. Still feeling like an embarrassment for even trying.
Momentum is a hell of a thing.
I suppose I should backtrack for a moment. Basically, at the end of last week, it became increasingly obvious to me that where I am now and where I want to be may as well be at opposite ends of the earth. The divide is too great and I’m not getting younger. I’m not a good enough writer. This made me question what I’m doing and why. It feels worthless and pointless.
So there you have it.
If it wasn’t already obvious, I haven’t played anything new (or even new to me) over the past week. E3 took up nearly all of my time, and when I wasn’t writing about it, I was (am) apparently having an existential crisis.
That’s not a fun game.
I’d love to say I will play something this week. I have no idea if that’s going to happen. I will consider myself lucky if I can make it through the week with a decent enough attitude. I’m working on it. I’m terribly fortunate that my partner is endlessly supportive and kind. And understanding. I may be in a hole, but I’m still grateful.
With that I ask, plead, really, what are you playing this week? Please tell me all about what games you have going on. I really do love hearing about it.
Today I will play the waiting game for the plumber to come fix our water pressure. It’s not a very entertaining game, but it is a somewhat necessary one.
And, if you are so inclined, please think a positive thought in my direction. I could use it now more than ever.
I’ve been so glad to call you a friend Rebekah. I enjoy your writing style and the fact you can so openly critique yourself and discuss your feelings honestly. I believe you can be as good as you want to be and better. It’s never too late to get out there nor is it too late to find something else you can be so dedicated too as you are writing. Whatever passion you choose I’ll be there cheering you on and supporting you any way I can.
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I am also so glad to call you my friend. Truly.
Your words…mean a lot to me. I can tell because I got choked up all over again reading this. Thank you for being so kind and supportive.
Rebekah, I think that Nathaniel speaks for the majority. You can & will continue to do great things. Everyone hits a rough patch; it’s having friends like Nate, myself, & others who help eachother when we’re in that “funk’. Sidenote, just playing GoW as time allows as I’ll be in Vacation Bible School this week; my time will be limited if/when I decide to play.
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Oh Richard, thank you. Truly. Support from wonderful friends really does make such a difference. <3
Seconding Nathaniel and Richard, sending a positive thought (or a zillion) your way and playing Walden, a game.
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I imagine your positive thoughts beaming out of you, Care Bear Stare style.
Thank you. <3
I am playing a new game. “Acting like a grown up and trying to not fall on my face at the new job”. It’s not really fun either. I have much to update you on and I will be doing so today as soon as I get in to work. I wish I could sit on your couch with Cloud and sip tea… or
a cold PBR (because I’m super classy)and remind you that you are one of my heros. You have had such a wonderful impact on my life and some of my fondest memories have you in them!!
I’m also playing “Township” on my phone at night. It blurs the visions of what I couldn’t accomplish in that day enough for me to find a bit of calm and sleep.
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I have a feeling you are doing amazingly well; it’s your way. <3
You are the very same to me. You and your friendship and talent have always had such a profound impact on me. I miss you terribly.
Hey! I've not heard of that game. I will have to look it up.