Before Destiny originally released, I didn’t have feelings about it one way or another. I only got it to play with a good friend (Grunts!), and play through the story we did. It was far more enjoyable than I’d thought it would be, and I ended up playing long after Grunts put it aside, which I found amusing.

As I’ve written about before, Destiny has been the game that got me into multiplayer with folks I’d never met, and in a lot of cases, I was pleasantly surprised. Before I knew it, I had met some really wonderful people and friendships were built. I always looked forward to logging in and connecting with any number of those people. As friendships went on, cell numbers were exchanged and texts started going back and forth to connect for play times.

A while back, I made the conscious decision to spend less time in Destiny, as there were (and are) so many other games I wanted to devote time to. I didn’t regret my decision, but I did miss playing with a lot of the Destiny crews.

Now one thing I should say is that there were several little separate galaxies of Destiny friends that would occasionally overlap. There were the significantly younger folks who were quite funny and greatly skilled, there was another group that was ridiculous and friendly and up for anything, and yet another that was a bit more mellow but always great to connect with.

I had mentioned to each group that when the House of Wolves DLC dropped on the 19th I would certainly be getting back into the game, and that I sincerely wanted to connect to play, not just the new story missions, but the three-player outings: the Trials of Osiris, and the Prison of Elders.

Allow me to interject here that I’m not perfect, or even generally likeable. I try to be a good friend, but sometimes things get lost in translation and what is intended isn’t what comes across. I try to do my best in this regard, but I’m fallible.

And apparently Guardian-repellent.

I started off playing the story missions with someone I like quite a lot, and I was really looking forward to playing more of the content with them. They also have a large pool of people that like playing with them, and soon I found there wasn’t much room for me on their fireteams.

I then started seeing the mellow group playing and asked them about joining up, and in one of these cases, (long story short) a friendship seemed to be lost. I started to be ignored.

What was happening here?

In another case, it became apparent that playing together was no longer prudent, so there went another team.

Yet another team I saw playing online last night, and they went from a couple people playing to a full fireteam and I was never invited even though I’ve made it known how much I wanted to play. So much of the new content must be done with a team of three. I can’t even find another person who wants to play with me.

I know LFG exists, but that’s not the point. I miss playing with the people who I had made friends with through this game in the first place.

So, last night, I booted up Destiny (wanting to do the Nightfall, weekly, new Queen’s bounties, etc.), saw all the people on, and realized no one wanted to play with me.

I felt very lonely, indeed.

And as I sat there on the couch, just staring at my guardian, farting around the Reef, I started to feel progressively worse. It was like high school all over again.

And I cried. I was so lonely and hurt that I actually cried.

About a game. And the people I played it with. And my lack of whatever it is that I apparently lack.

It felt really strange.

So while I’d love to play and connect with people, it looks like my Destiny career just might be over. When any situation surrounding a game causes me to cry for an extended period, it seems that perhaps I should be done.

I’m sad I will never get to level 34. Never get my ships or shaders. Never see those higher levels of the Prison or ever win a full round of the Trials.

I will never have this gear. I will never again get to wait with anticipation at the Nightfall results screen in hopes that I get something good.

I suppose some might wonder if I have a point.

I do.

Please think about the people you play with. The relationships you foster are important. Connect with your friends. It means so much.

I’ve heard so many stories that echo mine. It’s disheartening. Even if you only connect with people through the internet machine, they are still people. Ignoring them is harsh. Getting snappy at them for wanting to play with you is also harsh. The whole situation is a minefield.

Please be conscious of it. I tried to be, and I still, apparently, failed miserably.

I will always be grateful for the wonderful times I’ve had in Destiny, and the people I’ve shared them with. But no game, or online player, can have my tears.

Destiny, I will miss you. More than I should.